The Anticipation.

I'm sitting at my kitchen table. The world before me is forcing me into decisions. I don't want to make a decision. I want to sit here and read my favorite blogs, and listen to my favorite podcasts. There are opportunities before me but they aren't the opportunities I want or need. My needs are screaming at me. It is time to go.

Tomorrow morning, I head up to Hurricane Ridge. Got my shovel, probe, pack, boots, poles, skis and skins... Do I need an avalung? Nah, I'm already borrowing a transceiver. Heard the snow is great. The Ridge just got a another dump of snow. At a mile up I can wave to Mom and family in Denver. Hope I don't freeze... Layer, layer, layer.

No, I won't forget the camera. This time the battery is charged... I better go double check that. I hear the views are great. I cannot remember the last time I was at the Ridge... I don't think I have ever skied there... though it is hard to say. Anyway I look at it, the adventure will be something to remember.

The crew tomorrow all have much more recent backcountry skiing, so we are going to play in the snow pack and do some avalanche tests, and practice with the transceivers. And then it is all skiing. For me, skinning up is a lot like racking up for a climb. There is an anticipation and excitement, a bit of self consciousness, a bit of fear, and a touch of self doubt too. The funny thing about all those things, I know that ultimately I will come out alright. It isn't about an adrenaline rush for me. It is about that moment when my tunes fad from my awareness, and my heartbeat picks up, my thoughts clear and I think about the next turn, the next hold, the next breath. Yeah, I too sometimes forget to breath.

I couldn't sit at the table all day, so I met up with my friend for some gym climbing. The gym has some pretty good climbs up lately. The only problem... I've been training so much that I'm basically repeating the same climbs. It is okay... I'm having fun. I'm smiling. I need to go to bed... Got to get up early. I'll be back here soon with some pictures and a trip report. If you want hear about it.

G'night, and sweet dreams of your next adventure!

Moving into Life

I am currently on a short sabbatical from work. A little mental health recovery. I seem to need more these days. Some people might understand, others might tell me to suck it up. Right now? Won't do it. There is something else driving me. Call it a mid-life crisis. I deserve to have one. You've heard my story... it's a fricken country song. I lost my dad, I lost my wife, and my dog ran away. Well, my dog didn't run away, but I have to share her with the ex-wife. I think Hana is worth it.

In the meantime I'm trying to figure out how to make balance of the situation. This weekend was not balanced. It was pure fun and good times. Last Friday, I met up with someone I hadn't seen in 27 years. We had a blast with good conversation, lots of laughs, and a few really bad jokes. The story of Tara and I is kind of weird because quite frankly, I don't remember her. I am glad though to have established a connection with her. She's an amazing person... I like having those type of people around me.

I followed up Friday with Wine Night. A group of friends get together and drink lots of wine and eat good food. It was so much fun, and I brought my good friend Laura as requested. The usual conversations came up and the kid competitions were had and laughed at... All the kids are wonderful, cute, sweet, terrors. I actually find these kid stories to be too hilarious. These people are good loving and caring people. I'm thankful for them every day. Thanks guys for taking good care of me!

Laura and I had plans to go skiing so the following morning we rolled out of my drive way and made our way to Crystal Mountain. Sunday and Monday were days filled with skiing. The unfortunate part was I forgot to charge my camera battery and Laura got just a couple of pictures before the batteries on her camera bailed. The usual hold the camera at arms length and smile. Laura took the one of me above... I think I need to eat a sandwich...

The best part for me was on Sunday, Laura and I put on our skins, plugged in our iPod head phones and trekked up the trail. At some point I took the lead, maybe two miles in or so, and we came into a clearing. Just a bit of snow was falling and I stopped to look back at the view. There was Laura, with her tongue sticking out to catch snowflakes. What-a-dork. This moment though reminds me of how important it is to keep moving into life. Laura has been a bit of a life coach -- though she probably wouldn't agree. I find her to be brave, and often beyond description. That doesn't mean she's "perfect" it just means she is doing what she can to find her way into the life she desires -- and she does it with out stomping on other people to get there. So much learning to be done.

After two days of skiing, I pushed my body a bit further, I went climbing with my friend Amy, and then played soccer later that evening. I pushed my body, and asked it for a bit more. I also respected the limitations, sore muscles, and now am providing rest. I watched a movie. Worked on this blog. Now, I think I'm going to find a burger and some parts to fix a leaky faucet.

Hard work deserves reward. So this is how I'm moving into life. Maybe a bit more selfish or maybe just finding ways to balance what I give of myself. I know that I give without expectations, but when taken advantage of I turn off all support and extras. This brings me to another thought -- I love the work I do.

I have been doing computer things for as long as I could wrap my brain around the concepts. I'd do it even if I wasn't paid. I feel lucky that I have a career that I love. Yet, even as much as I love what I do, I don't want to be tied to the concept of corporate slavery. That seems to be the modus operandi though eh? The -- You do as I say or I will make your life hell -- mentality that I know we've all seen and experienced. I don't share it. I want something more from my corporation. If a corporation is going to have person rights, then they should also have a heart and soul. When the body complains there might be good reason.

So as you move into life remember to say "Thank you," and "You're Welcome." Be appreciative of people who do a bit extra, and don't take advantage of those that give of themselves.

Onward Ho! No -- I'm not calling you a Ho.

10 Best Moments in Life So Far ...

This post was written because WasatchGirl pondered the question on her way to Arkansas.

In no particular order ...

*) 1973 -- I was born... I don't remember it at all, but I am certain it qualifies as one of the best moments in my life.

*) 5 years ago, approximately, I had dislocated my patella after my dog, Hana, had dived at a ball near my foot. Now this wasn't a great moment, but during the recovery my doctor said that I should get out and hike and climb over uneven terrain. I was staying at a friends in West Seattle while my wife was in her first year of law school. I had picked up Climbing magazine and it had Steph Davis on the cover. I read her article and the next thing I knew I was signing up to take the intro to climbing at REI. Afterwards I was hooked. I bought shoes, harness, and started climbing at the local gym. This changed my life more than I could have ever imagined. My doctor asked me what I was doing for exercises, and when I told him I started rock climbing his jaw just about hit the floor... uneven terrain, not vertical terrain!

*) In 2005 (I think) my mom decided to move to Denver to be near the grandchildren. I had two weeks off from work. After dropping Mom off we continued to Santa Fe, the Grand Canyon, Moab, SLC, Spokane. Camped and climbed. I saw many places I had never seen. My favorite was Moab and the Arches... Experiencing this in person was too amazing. It was a defining moment in my life... I realized that I wanted more out of life than simply working. As if climbing hadn't already convinced me of that, seeing all the National Parks solidified it for me.

*) Joshua Tree 2006 -- A group of friends did a winter trip just before Christmas. We drove all night and when we arrived early in the morning I could barely drive because of the beauty of this place. This was my first real trad experience climbing. I had bought some gear but I didn't know how to use it. I had read the books and had much to learn. I didn't lead even once. I wanted to lead but didn't have courage back then, or the skill. It was a moment though that I realized I could do more and it reaffirmed my desire to work on living for the now.

*) Road Trip 2008 -- Spent two weeks at the beginning of September in City of Rocks, Denver, and Yosemite. It was a difficult time in my life, as my father had passed away, my wife had left me, and I couldn't even cope with my job. I was learning a lot about myself, I was doing my first solo trip ever at 35 years of age. The most interesting part for me was that I realized I'm a really good person. I like who I am, I'm happy with my life despite the hard times. I found my way and realized I wasn't ever lost. I just wasn't looking ahead... I was looking behind me.

*) Maui -- the second and last time I visited Hawaii. I had just been fired for insubordination. I had reported my superior to HR and the next day I was let go. The best part was my wife at the time had just finished finals. We decided to just take off. We lounged on the beached, and I swam with the turtles. We did a luau and enjoyed the sun and sands. Does life get any better than when you drop everything to enjoy life?

*) Kauai -- the first time I ever visited Hawaii. Washington was having one of the greyest years I could ever remember, and everyone was suffering from depression. A decision was made to visit Hawaii. We stayed at a wonderful resort in Poipu and lived resort life for a week. It was really our Honeymoon but by this time we'd been married almost 5 years. Still -- it was memorable and definitely a best moment.

*) 1987 I was ranked in the top ten in the nation as a swimmer. I was 14 years old and one of the best swimmers in the nation. I had coaches struggling to get me to become an Olympic super star. My Freshman and Sophomore years I was set to be a State Champ. In the years that followed my national rankings I learned that I swam because it was fun, not because I was good. I had a situation that required me to make a decision. It was a choice to continue swimming and performing or quit. I quit. My sophomore year I was set to break records, and I quit. I didn't swim my Junior year. I returned later after a coach came and apologized to me... I said I would return but on my conditions. I was a Senior and had made the team in the spirit of fun. We had two relay teams that made state, I stood on the Podium for our 1st place relay. We broke records, and when all was said and done... so was I. Swimming was a very long moment in my life, but definitely one of the best.

*) I graduated from college with a degree in computer science. At the age of 7 I knew I wanted to work with computers. I remember my friends father bringing home an Osborne "portable" computer. This set me in motion to find anyway to make sure I would work with computers. I wasn't a good student. In fact I was a poor student, but I wasn't dumb... I just didn't fit in the education system. I managed to graduate and now work with computers every day, and probably more than I should... but I love them... computers entertain my brain and I enjoy watching the evolution of technology.

*) September 27, 1998 was probably the best moment in my life. I married my girlfriend of two and a half years. Unfortunately it wasn't meant to last, but it is something I look back on fondly. We'd just bought our house -- my girl wanted to be married in her own home -- we had our parents and grandparents and siblings over to the house and we were married in our living room. Our house didn't have furniture or a table, I think we still had my old waterbed and barely enough of anything to fit in a single room. We had a party at a community center that held 99 people. We invited 120 of our closest friends and family, and only about 65 people RSVP'd. All the rules said that expect 60% of those who RSVP. We had to stop counting because more people showed up than expected. We ran out of food and cake, but we had plenty of Champagne!

Sun Kissed and Climber Happy

Yesterday would have been my ten year anniversary. Originally, the plan was to go to Las Vegas, get a hotel near the Red Rocks Canyon and have "comfortable climbing." I was thinking how awesome that was going to be climbing and being able to get clean afterwards. Nice meals, clean clothes. Yuppie climbing at its best.

Those plan were discussed last year when we were in Red Rocks. Unfortunately for me, life changed in such a way that this never happened. Instead, I met up with some people I had never met before. In fact, people I had barely even talked with before. There are some great places to meetup with other like minded people and gather and have good experiences. I met Beylan and Julie on the Seattle Climbing Meetup really by accident. I wanted to get out climbing, and Beylan had plans to get out and do some climbing at Vantage. I, of course, don't like vantage so quickly suggested Index, Squamish, and Leavenworth. The group quickly grew to about six people planning to climb in Leavenworth. The plan, as the group got larger, fell a part. We were suppose to meet with a couple of other guys from the group (Jason and Brian), but given I have to come from the other side of the Puget Sound, it meant that getting to the P&R at 7 AM was not likely to happen for me. I hope to meet them soon though.

Instead, Beylan, and her friend Julie were going to meet me and my friend Jennifer at the Northgate Park and Ride at 8:30 AM. That hour and a half difference was kind of a big deal. Weekend ferries are a pain, and driving around is just getting too hard some times.

So our little side meet up group made the trek to Leavenworth for a day of climbing. Since we were all new to each other except for Beylan and Julie, we decided that a safe place to climb would be Clam Shell Cave. This is a nice little crag where you can setup top ropes and just get plenty of climbing in quickly. Beylan jumped quick in to her lead -- put on that game face and get your head on -- while Jennifer and I setup a top rope on what was either the easiest 5.8 in the world, or simply not 5.8. I ran up a quick 5.6 trad lead that Beylan had just finished, and encouraged Julie to follow my lead to check out how I placed gear. The lead was so easy I actually only placed a few pieces, but Julie eventually did her first gear lead -- Yeah! Julie!

Beylan and Julie spent time doing some other top ropes, while Jennifer and I went and did the 10b GRTC, and 5.9 Eagles Prey. Jennifer was hot to lead, and I followed. The 10b was interesting and we bounced that a couple times as the crux is getting to the first bolt. My long arms makes it possible to do that, but Jennifer's shorter stature proved quite the challenge. She did awesome and we had lots of laughs at the creative methods for advancing up the climb.

The 5.9, Eagles Prey, was an interesting start as well. The first bolt is an awkward reach to clip and a fall before that is going to hurt. And likely make the hike out suck. Jennifer was ready to lead hard, and so we read the beta for the climb -- it called for gear to one inch and four bolts. Wrong! The gear placement was more like gear to three inches. After a sketchy placement, and a one inch placement at the back of the crack -- my fat arms barely could reach it, I got to the top and the sun had set. It was time to head home.

It was good that the darkness didn't really set in until we reached the car. My head lamp was in the back door and the pine needles covered the protruding stones, which made walking out difficult enough in the low light. I have to remember to put that in my pack for next weekend.

So all-in-all, I made the best of celebrating a moment in time that will never be. We do what we can and we have fun. It was nice to climb with three lovely ladies -- they even let me be a know-it-all without too much harassment. Next weekend is a multi-pitch extravaganza. It will be fun to meet up with more of this crew.

Are you living your life with Passion?

I have heard the phrase "Live your life with Passion" and always thought -- "Don't be stupid, that is just a catch phrase!" In fact, I have often referred to this idea as a "catch phrase." To me, Passion is something you make -- like romance. It is a mental exercise and in the end if you enjoyed yourself and dream of the next moment, or even the last moment, often then you are living that life of passion. That being said -- We all should live life passionately, romantically, happy and fulfilling.

My friend Josh started a site with a few buddies called "Are You Living It?" I have been enjoying the site because a number of the contributors seem to understand the idea of passion. They understand that not every day is passionate, but to always have the thoughts in the back of the mind -- I cannot wait to...

The goal of the site is to help you live what you are passionate about in life. They actually sell clothing and other "Live your Passion" gear and donate 10% to help people get on to their adventure. I wonder if they'd help me bike the Greek Isles? Oooh, the possibilities!.

In the site's Who We Are section they say "In today’s world, it’s easy for people to forget about the things that make them happy." Indeed. In today's world we often forget that happiness is internal, and we choose happiness. So why not seek it often, why not dredge up those old dreams and live them out? If you are in that rut where you wake up and all you want to do stay in bed avoiding the day -- then get out of bed, shower, put on your clothes (or not), and do something that you dream about doing. Anything different. It won't kill you -- I hope it won't kill you.

As I wait for the week of climbing in Squamish to approach I can feel my passion bubbling over. I want to share it with everyone -- even though they don't get it. I am surfing You Tube for climbing videos, and reading all my favorite climbing blogs. Work be damned!

Well -- yeah, I need to get to work...damn.